


Find A Way.

by teddylvpin (etacanis)



Series: Driving, Not Washing (T/J SPN Fusion) [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Monster Hunters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:41:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22868779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etacanis/pseuds/teddylvpin
Summary: All of us wondering if these two boys will find a way to figure it out. | An SPN fusion, but you don't need to be familiar with the show, just know that there are monsters and people who hunt them.Sequel to Desire, Like A Monster.
Relationships: Teddy Lupin/James Sirius Potter
Series: Driving, Not Washing (T/J SPN Fusion) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643884
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9
Collections: Trope Bingo: Round Fourteen





	Find A Way.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a sequel eight years after the first fic, but here we are. Sequel to [Desire, Like A Monster](https://archiveofourown.org/works/416872).
> 
> Title from the same Richard Siken poem, 'Driving, Not Washing'. Also heavily inspired by Sax Rohmer #1 by The Mountain Goats. I've posted the relevant verse & lyrics at the bottom, and a link to the playlist I used for this on Spotify.
> 
> Finally, my first fic for my tropebingo card, prompt: AU: DEMON / GHOST / MONSTER HUNTERS

It's been two months since their road trip, since things changed between them, there's still no label, but James has been looking for more hunts closer to Teddy, been finding excuses for weekends off, driving through the night to get to Teddy at dawn.

The first time, post roadtrip, James lasts two weeks. They talk of course, texts all day, nightly phone calls in hushed tones so Lily can sleep, but it's not the same, the lines between friends and more than friends too blurred. Friends don’t jack off to hushed  _ I want to feel you, I miss your cock, remember that night in Yosemite?  _ He lasts two weeks and then he's speeding towards California. Lily rolls her eyes at him when he tells her where he's going, doesn't say anything but presses a kiss to his cheek and tells him to call her if he needs her.

It's raining when he gets there, the heavy thrum of a summer rain, and he's soaked through but he lingers; too busy in the what ifs. What if Teddy wanted to leave it on the road, what if he isn't wanted, what if, what if, what if.

His phone rings, Teddy's number accusing on the screen.

"Ted," he says, willing his voice to sound something like normal.

"I can see you, Jay." He glances up, and there's Teddy in the window. He can't make out an expression from here, but at least, he thinks, Teddy has called him out. "Get up here, you idiot."

*

Teddy takes him that night, on the kitchen floor, wet clothes discarded beside them. He takes him, and fucks him, and gasps  _ I missed you, you're safe, Jay, God, I missed you _ , against James' skin. He fucks him hard, leaves bruises on his hips and his thighs and bite marks on his shoulders, kisses them tenderly in the light of the bare bulb, and James doesn't know the words to say except  _ I know, I know, I know. _ He doesn't think, doesn't question, just rests his face against the linoleum and calls out Teddy's name.

*

It’s been four months and there's a werewolf too close to home (and he doesn't know when he started to think of Teddy's apartment as home, but he doesn't want to think about it). It should have been simple, and it was, but Lily is hurt and James can taste his blood in his mouth and the only thing he can think as he races down the highway with Lily grimacing in pain in the passenger seat is  _ safety _ . There's no time to think on that, but he's headed to Teddy, and Lily is bleeding, and his head is pounding,  _ home, safety, home, Ted. _

Teddy opens the door, rumpled with sleep, his mouth a perfect o as they hobble in, Lily clutching a bottle of whiskey and James' blood dribbling down his chin, and he still doesn't know why it's bleeding, but Teddy's found the first aid kit he bought just in case, and Lily is talking him through it and all James can think is  _ safe. _

Lily is asleep in the guest room, curled into a ball, her blood stained clothes in a pile to be burned, and James slumps on the floor in the hall, the adrenaline stealing everything he had left. _ Too close _ , he thinks, but he doesn't know if he means Teddy, or about Lily.

“Is it always like this?” Teddy asks, sliding down the wall beside James, pressing calf to calf and thigh to thigh. He reaches for James’ hand, brushing his thumb against the grazes. James wants to say no, but Teddy will know it for the lie it is, he’s seen the scars, heard some of the stories, has always known that monsters are real. He doesn’t say anything at all.

*

James wakes up in the morning to a cold bed, the windows still drawn tight. There’s a receipt on the pillow beside him, Teddy’s scrawl crammed into the limited space across it.  _ Work, home @ 6. Kitchen full, help selves _ . There’s the start of a new sentence, scribbled out, but James can’t make out what it was meant to say. Lily’s already in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in her hands, her eyes closed against the morning light. She looks a bit better, a bit less peaky, but there’s still blood in the grooves of her knuckles, dried under her nails.

“He’s a good man,” she says, doesn’t even open her eyes as James digs out a loaf of bread.

“He is.” He lowers the setting on the toaster, knows Lily will want hers barely warmed, knows that Teddy has his nearly charcoaled.

“Be careful.”

“I will.” The domesticsity of it all is twinging at something in him, and maybe it’s because Lily’s here, and that’s new, and his two worlds are colliding - the monster hunter James meets the normal James, the James that is still brand new, the James that he didn’t think could ever exist. 

“Don’t hurt him, Jay.” She’s staring at him now, and he stares at the toaster. He can’t promise that, and she knows it more than anyone. He hurts everyone, how many times has he hurt her alone? He hands her the toast, and more than anything, wants to tell her everything; how badly he wants this all, and how badly he doesn’t want it. He wants to tell her about the nightmares where Dad dies, except Dad is Teddy, and it’s Teddy he’s killed this time. He wants to tell her how this, whatever it is, has him more terrified than any monster ever could. He doesn’t, just like he didn’t tell Ted that he knows he’ll die doing this, just plasters on a smile.

“Eat up, Lil, we’ll need to get on the road tomorrow.” She quirks her lips at him, rolls her eyes but eats her toast. James picks at his, tries not to think about tomorrow, or yesterday, or the nightmares that come in droves.

*

Teddy doesn’t stop them in the morning, even though the night before he’d brought home bags full of bandages, turpentine, sterile gloves and antiseptic. As the alarm called out morning, he’d kissed James deep and slow, his hand on James’ cock, whispered _ come back safe _ . He’d not asked for a promise, had helped Lily into the passenger seat and let them go with a see you soon and a wave down the street.

*

“What’s the plan?” Teddy says, his voice thick with the need to sleep, James can hear it, knows it, but can’t find the will to say good night. He leans back in the seat, props his feet on the dashboard, stares at the door to the motel room that’s calling his name too.   
  
“Finish up here.” They’d rolled into town that afternoon, asked their questions, ghoul, tick, headshot tomorrow, another town saved. “Then we’ve got one a bit north of you - sounds like demons up to their old shit, couple of days tops, and then -” He waits; Teddy’s breath hitches like he’s falling asleep.   
  
“And then?”

“Then there’s this guy in Sacramento I’ve gotta see.” Teddy chuckles, breathless and airy and James can imagine him, sprawled out in his bed, phone on the pillow next to him, covers around his hips, tattoos dark against his skin in the light from the screen. 

“I’ve heard he’s the real monster.” James stretches, feels the pressure in his knees release as he cracks them, rolls his shoulders in their sockets and lets the tension release. A few days here and there on Teddy’s memory foam mattress and he’s ruined; years of sleeping in the driver’s seat and on motel beds and that’s what’s breaking him. He’s getting soft, spoiled, feeling like an old man.

“He is, he’s prone to biting.” There’s another hum of laughter. “I miss you, Ted.” It’s the first time he’s said that, and it’s so inconsequential, Teddy says it all the time, there’s countless texts on James’ phone that just say  _ miss u j _ , but somehow, this feels like a step. Teddy’s breath hitches again, releases in a slow sigh, maybe he knows that, maybe he can feel the  _ something _ of it all.

“Just a week?” 

“Tops.” Lily’s glancing at the motel window at him, pillowing her head to her hands in a pantomime of sleep. He holds up his hand at her, he knows he’s got to go, five minutes he mouths, he’ll wrap it up soon, but it’s not that easy, is it? 

“Okay.” There’s a pause, a long huff of breath. “I’ve gotta go, Jay, I’m so tired. I-” He cuts himself off, firm clack of teeth like he was forcing himself not to say something.

  
“Okay, babe.” And where the fuck did that come from?  _ Babe _ ? And there’s that hum of laughter from Teddy again, the shit. “Night. I’ll text you tomorrow.” And he can practically hear Teddy smiling down the phone when he says night, miss you, see you soon, and the line goes dead.

Fuck, James thinks, and stares at his phone.  _ Babe _ .

*

It ends up more like a week and a half, and James has countless texts that read  _ I'm sorry _ and  _ I thought I’d be there sooner _ in his drafts, but it feels too important to say that, too much like commitment, and it's not that he's  _ scared _ of commitment but maybe he  _ is _ , and Lily rolls her eyes at him but keeps her mouth shut. He texts Teddy when they're five minutes out, and he meets them on the sidewalk. He doesn't remember quite when it was agreed that Lily would come too, if it ever was, and for a moment he panics that that's too intrusive, but Teddy's pressing a kiss to her cheek and taking her bag from her, slinging it over his shoulder and reaching back to squeeze James’ bicep.

He doesn't ask why it took them longer than expected, and he averts his eyes from the rope burns on Lily's wrist, even as she makes a joke about a wild night out, and a blonde with the greatest tits, and too much whiskey. He traces the curve of a cut on James' cheek, and presses a bottle of antiseptic into his hand, but pointedly does not ask. He presses his lips together as James hisses at the sting, and James wants to say something, wants to laugh it off like Lily does, reassure Teddy in any way he can, but the only words that fill his mouth sound like  _ once again I nearly got us killed.  _ One day Teddy will see him for the failure he is, he thinks, but he can’t be the one to tell him.

_ * _

"It's not your fault, Jay," Lilly had whispered across the gaps between the beds. "And it's not healthy to take it all on you. It's the job, Jay, we will always get hurt, and it's not your fault." He doesn’t say anything, tries to regulate his breathing, but they’ve shared rooms for too long for her to fall for it. She reaches across the space, brushes her fingertips against the edge of his forearm and without thinking, he’s grabbing for her, intertwining their fingers, squeezing the pressure out of his chest through his knuckles, their fists clenched above the strip of carpet between them. “Jamie, none of this is your fault.”

If only he could believe her, he thinks, he wouldn’t feel like he’s drowning.

*

Lily’s asleep on the sofa, had passed out there four beers in, and they didn’t have the heart to wake her. Teddy’s hand is on the back of his neck, pressing him down into the mattress, and he’s biting his lip in desperation, trying not to cry out. He settles for mouthing Teddy’s name into the sheets, for pressing back, arching his spine, leaning into the bite of nails against his skin. The cut on his face is burning, and he’s sure it’s going to open again, there's going to be blood on the crisp white cotton, but he doesn’t care, he needs this, wants this, wants Teddy to fuck him so hard he forgets who he is, forget everything except for the whisper of his name on Teddy’s lips and the quiet gasps as he comes.

_ * _

He doesn’t question it when their next four cases take them no further than Tucson, doesn’t question it when Lily keeps scheduling them days off that lead them back to Sacramento, but he does text Teddy _ is this ok? I dont want us to intrude, i dont mind motels. _

_ I do mind motels,  _ Teddy’s reply says,  _ and you’re always welcome here.  _ Five minutes later, another, _ mi casa es su casa,  _ and four emojis, a house, two men, a woman. He deletes that one before Lily sees it and reads into it. She’s been making rumblings for weeks about wouldn’t it be great if they went local, and had a base, a real house and a real life and - James always turns the radio up, drowns her out, and she kicks at the floor and rolls her eyes, and aggressively types out texts to God knows who.

He figures out who when they're eating Chinese on Teddy's living room floor, and Teddy's thoughts come tumbling out in a rambling rush.

"So I've been thinking," he's shovelling noodles into his mouth, clearly uncomfortable, but James knows the look on Lily's face, knows she's planned this somehow. "I've been thinking that, you know, if you're not working jobs on the East coast, you could, you know, stay here? Work from here? I guess…" he trails off, glances at Lily, who looks proud as punch, stares down at James' feet instead of meeting his eye.

There's that same feeling of drowning, the one so familiar, that choking anxiety, the voice he knows so well telling him how many ways this could end badly. But Lily's staring at him, an eyebrow arched, and Teddy's reaching forward, tugging at the hem of James' jeans, rolling it between his fingers, and maybe Lily's put the idea in his head, but maybe he wants it, really, and maybe, maybe it could work. He swallows, pushes at the feeling in his gut.

"Okay," he says, and Teddy glances up, meets his eyes and grins. 

"Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Driving, Not Washing:  
>  _It’s a road movie,  
>  a double-feature, two boys striking out across America, while desire,  
> like a monster, crawls up out of the lake  
> with all of us watching, with all of us wondering if these two boys will  
> find a way to figure it out._
> 
> Sax Rohmer #1:  
> And I am coming home to you  
> With my own blood in my mouth  
> And I am coming home to you  
> If it’s the last thing that I do
> 
> [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7u5VFxelnhUeFBbO6leEcZ?si=0xaJjTK8SyeVepxgSSkT1g)


End file.
